There are many days that I think having a full time career outside the home would be more appropriate for me, but I am choosing to remain devoted to what God has called me to do (my calling to do this was not very clear until I realized every time I tried to do something else, it didn't work out as it should have according to my plan). Even when it made no sense for me to stay home financially (which makes for a great excuse to get back into the workforce...lol), every time I tried my plan failed and then when I went back to focusing on staying home things would fall into place. Crazy I know!
I am also not the person who believes that it is a women's responsibility to stay home with her kids. I would be perfectly happy, capable and comfortable with providing financially for my family. In fact, I always thought I was going to build my career (just like my mom) and I would NEVER be a stay at home mom by choice. I know I'm crazy but I fought the idea of staying home, so then I tried to do both at the same time, yeah that didn't work out so good...lol.
Then in the end, I gave in to God and chose to trust Him. Yes, I still fight it at times and try to do something other than being a full time mom. And then I quickly realize, that God called me to be a stay at home mom to stretch me and mold me into what He has planned for me, not what I had planned for me. It's not always about what comes easy to you (staying at home is not easy for me). I have heard people say, "well I have a full time job and I come home and do the laundry and dishes too". Yes I too would have said this until now. You are correct that you have a full time job and no one should discredit that, BUT you have someone taking care of your children during the day (who might I add is working their full time job...lol). I am the daycare worker of my own in home daycare, to no one elses kids but my own. It might be a breeze for some, but for me it is a full time job...I too am wiped out at the end of the day and still have a load of laundry, dishes to wash, grocery shopping to do and a house to clean (when your kids are home all day, the house does NOT stay clean).
So, my point is that I am learning to be a stay at home mom and not to envy those who have a full time career that I was once climbing the ladder for. (Again, this is my struggle and I do realize that not everyone has this same struggle) But I am trusting God that He will equip me with the tools I need to do this, (a career was much easier for this chic) and not sure why I am surprised by this but God is fulfilling His promise. Just the other day I said to Jeff, "Do you realize that you provide for our family, so that I am able to stay home with our kids. WOW, I never thought that would come out of my mouth" (the stay at home part that is)...to which he just laughed and I am pretty sure felt a boost of confidence that said "your right, you've never said it that way before" and "I do provide solely for our family". I am not sure why I just realized this but after 3 years of being home full time I accepted and acknowledged it, not only was it an "aha" moment for me, but a compliment that my hubby needed to hear from me.
So, I am a proud stay at home mom who never thought I would ever say those words do to pride. I am learning to spend time with my girls, really soak in their personalities, listen intently to non stop singing, chatter and questions (at least from Lola) and to hold them close, hug and kiss on them, build them up with affirmations, read to them, play with them (this is hard to do, if you are one who likes to get things done, as playing squinkies doesn't clean the house) and be a family who plays, prays and grows together.
Here are a few pics of how we have been progressing with my new realization:
:) I've done it both ways too....and you're right. Being a SAHM is a FULL TIME JOB that GROWS us as mothers more than I think our children at times. Well done woman!
ReplyDeleteI REALLY get this...from where you were to where you are now. I'm really proud of your selflessness.
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