Not qualified but got the job

I love reading blogs, BUT I am horrible at keeping up with my own. Despite what some people think, being a stay at home mom keeps me extremely busy. Of course, this is on top of my other roles as wife, sister, friend, daughter, business partner to my hubby and more.....

There are many days that I think having a full time career outside the home would be more appropriate for me, but I am choosing to remain devoted to what God has called me to do (my calling to do this was not very clear until I realized every time I tried to do something else, it didn't work out as it should have according to my plan). Even when it made no sense for me to stay home financially (which makes for a great excuse to get back into the workforce...lol), every time I tried my plan failed and then when I went back to focusing on staying home things would fall into place. Crazy I know!

I am also not the person who believes that it is a women's responsibility to stay home with her kids. I would be perfectly happy, capable and comfortable with providing financially for my family. In fact, I always thought I was going to build my career (just like my mom) and I would NEVER be a stay at home mom by choice. I know I'm crazy but I fought the idea of staying home, so then I tried to do both at the same time, yeah that didn't work out so good...lol.

Then in the end, I gave in to God and chose to trust Him. Yes, I still fight it at times and try to do something other than being a full time mom. And then I quickly realize, that God called me to be a stay at home mom to stretch me and mold me into what He has planned for me, not what I had planned for me. It's not always about what comes easy to you (staying at home is not easy for me). I have heard people say, "well I have a full time job and I come home and do the laundry and dishes too". Yes I too would have said this until now. You are correct that you have a full time job and no one should discredit that, BUT you have someone taking care of your children during the day (who might I add is working their full time job...lol). I am the daycare worker of my own in home daycare, to no one elses kids but my own. It might be a breeze for some, but for me it is a full time job...I too am wiped out at the end of the day and still have a load of laundry, dishes to wash, grocery shopping to do and a house to clean (when your kids are home all day, the house does NOT stay clean).

So, my point is that I am learning to be a stay at home mom and not to envy those who have a full time career that I was once climbing the ladder for. (Again, this is my struggle and I do realize that not everyone has this same struggle) But I am trusting God that He will equip me with the tools I need to do this, (a career was much easier for this chic) and not sure why I am surprised by this but God is fulfilling His promise. Just the other day I said to Jeff, "Do you realize that you provide for our family, so that I am able to stay home with our kids. WOW, I never thought that would come out of my mouth" (the stay at home part that is)...to which he just laughed and I am pretty sure felt a boost of confidence that said "your right, you've never said it that way before" and "I do provide solely for our family". I am not sure why I just realized this but after 3 years of being home full time I accepted and acknowledged it, not only was it an "aha" moment for me, but a compliment that my hubby needed to hear from me.

So, I am a proud stay at home mom who never thought I would ever say those words do to pride. I am learning to spend time with my girls, really soak in their personalities, listen intently to non stop singing, chatter and questions (at least from Lola) and to hold them close, hug and kiss on them, build them up with affirmations, read to them, play with them (this is hard to do, if you are one who likes to get things done, as playing squinkies doesn't clean the house) and be a family who plays, prays and grows together.

Here are a few pics of how we have been progressing with my new realization:

There's a first for everything

Our first vacation as a family of four!! We loaded up the car, added the storage container, followed by the seadoo....yes we look like the circus coming to town. Packing the car was a little bittersweet as we only had to account for one dog and not two. These are the moments that bring up memories for all of us even Lola. Although I must say one dog is so much easier....usually that is unless you are going to Walt Disney world where no dogs are allowed. Note to self....don't tack on two weeks in St.Louis to your trip AND leave the dog at home!!

Our first day at the most magical place on earth was spent at the Animal Kingdom. We quickly went on the safari ride to which Lola loved although she was a little concerned we might get lost. We watched the parade. Got pictures taken with Donald duck, Brer Rabbit and Minnie Mouse. Jeff and Lola rode the Kali River Rapids and got soaked! Lola thought it was great as it was the first ride she met the height requirement. Saylor loved all of the shows, activities and characters too. I couldn't believe how great she was considering the heat and long day. We then had dinner at the Rainforest cafe which was magical in itself. Thunderstorms, Julius Squeezer (boa constrictor above Lola's head), monkeys, rainbows and the best part of all was the "volcano"!! Lola's birthday dessert that was HUGE and oh so yummy.

The Good, The Bad and The Best is Yet to Come.....

This week has been quite the roller coaster ride. It started with another doctors appointment with low fluids and another trip to triage (which I despise). Lots of contractions although none that will stay consistent and it will all end with a trip to the hospital to be induced at 9am tomorrow. 

On Thursday, our chocolate lab was sporting a huge lump on his neck, which was not there previously. So we called the vet, they came to the house for an appointment. After blood work, some other nasty poking and prodding, we were told we would find out the results the next day. Today we got the call that his blood work was good, but the other poking and prodding results were not so good. It is either cancer or a very serious infection. So we make an appointment at 2pm to have x-rays (certainly not how I planned to spend the day before our daughter arrives). All the meanwhile, we have to discuss both scenarios with the cancer being the obvious concern. If it is cancer, we decided we would put him down. Again, not something we planned on dealing with the day before the birth of Saylor. With that thought comes a LOT of emotion, discussion on how to explain death to Lola and the logistics of the whole process (which is rather expensive - who knew). Well, x-rays showed that the bones looked good and next we try antibiotics hoping that it is an infection. We are not out of the woods with the cancer theory, but rather gained a week before we have to make any decisions. We are seriously praying for our dog that the antibiotics will clear up what we hope to be an infection. 

Now on to the rest of the day, well that gets better too...LOL! Lola is very excited about her new sister. In fact she asked Jeff when he came home last week from St. Louis if he had brought Saylor with him. Although today, she was more worried about what I was going to wear to the hospital. And then proceeded to inform and show me how the doctor will pull my legs up to my ears, tell me to push and then wipe the baby goo off the baby. Then, she will come in and hold her. (too much Baby Story on TLC) Jeff dropped her off at the Bartlett's house. 

Of course I'm cleaning to make sure the house is clean when we get home. Jeff comes in and says, "Well I just hit the garage with the car." My mouth drops and I proceed to do something I now regret....drop my head and say, "You have got to be kidding me." and a lot more reprimanding from me than necessary. After dropping several hundred dollars on our dog in two days and with the realization of the car expense, I think I got overwhelmed. Whew!!

It's time to focus on the main event and get ready to become a family of four tomorrow. I must say it is a little strange knowing the exact day and time of her birth before she arrives. I suppose the time of day will be our surprise. With Lola, we didn't know the time, day or sex of our new arrival. So they will each have their own story. 

Off to bed as we have a big day ahead!!

PS Natalia this post is for you and I hope to continue to post regularly :)

Jump Start

2011 is all wrapped up and is now the past. 2012 is unfolding very quickly and I am proclaiming it to be an exciting and adventurous new year with lots of learning, adapting and growing!

So many new things that are already planned for 2012 and I'm sure plenty that is unplanned (the hard part for me). I am extremely pregnant....which means I am feeling huge and Baby Saylor is quite busy doing who knows what inside my body. Lola is extremely excited to be a BIG sister, which also means she now realizes that she is moving up the family ladder (simply put she is rather bossy and is sure to be a big "help" once Saylor makes her debut). We've set our goals, gone over our budget, created a plan for the year (well, so we think as we have no idea how to plan for a family of four...LOL) and will be starting our 21 day fast (spiritual goal setting). Don't worry I do realize that food is extremely necessary and I won't be cutting it out, so my fasting is more of a focus on spending an hour with God daily for 21 days, something I know will be hard with a 3 yr old, but I am determined to start this year out different. And, frankly God has been nudging me to do some things better and this is one of them, so I am going to hit it hard and try and get a habit formed before my newest little sidekick comes on the scene.

So, I'm as ready as ready can be for the year to begin rolling. Here are a few scriptures that I am focusing on daily to increase my faith, love unconditionally, trust fully and worry less.

Jeremiah 29:11, John 14:14, Matthew 6:25-34 and Mark 11:22-25

Hopefully, this is going to be a part of my routine as well. Blogging from my heart - I honestly think about it alot, but get a little nervous about exposing my heart, thoughts and feelings. So, I am going to try and get passed that fear and go for it :)

Lola-isms

So, I do realize that not everyone will find the things that Lola says funny.....so if you don't just pass on through because that is what this post is about. She makes me laugh and I love her for that. 

She has a teddy bear with a cast on it's leg that her Aunt Jenn gave her when she broke her foot earlier this year. She came up to me today carrying it and asked, "Was I a talking baby when I got this bear?" Simply, put she couldn't remember when she got it and needed to be reminded, "Yes you were a talking baby, you got it when you broke your foot." "Oh, Yeah" is all she says and moves on. 

Jeff always tells her that she was in God's pocket when we got married (she doesn't quite fully understand marriage yet, except that she has been in a wedding and is going to be in another in September). Today, she asked me, "Mom, how did I fit in God's pocket?" Of course, Jeff is out of town for this one and he is the one that made up the pocket thing in the first place. I just laughed and thankfully something else caught her attention. 

She also asked if she could look in my mouth like the doctor does to her, so I obliged. She says, "Mom, I see your bumper." Huh, what in the world is a bumper? And then it hits me, she means Uvula (medical term for the thing that hangs down in the back of your throat, just sounds gross typing it). Anywho, I looked up the medical term, so not to confuse anyone. :)

And last but not least, I bought her a pack of nerds (ok, so I bought them for me, but had to share). We get to the car and she asks if she can have one of the treats we bought. "What are those called mom?" I replied "Nerds". She then has this disgusted look on her face and says, "No they are not Mom that is disgusting." So clearly she has gotten confused and replaced the "N" with "T", both words we do not say in our home as we have no need. I try not to laugh because I now realize she thinks I have called them "Terds" and is reluctant to eat them. Bahaha!! 

She also said to me today, "Mom I ask too many questions, don't I?" I want to say "Yes", but don't as I never want her to stop being inquisitive or to think that any question is stupid. 

Thank you Aunts for teaching her "Girls Rule"
(along with her own personal gang sign)

Rain is so much fun

"Splish Splash"

Needless to say, we really don't have a dull moment in our house. And, we cannot make stuff up as she is so smart that she will call you out or ask you way more questions than you thought imaginable for a 3 year old. It is her best quality and at times pushing me to my patience limit for the day. But she sure is cute!!

Out of the mouths of babes or LOLA

Today is my brothers birthday and Lola wanted to send him a "Happy Birthday" message on video. So, she sang Happy Birthday and then I asked if she wanted to say anything else. This is what she chose to say, "I love my aunts". Bahaha....scratch that video and make a new one. She says the strangest things at the strangest times and all with a straight face.  (Note: video clip is unedited...just fair warning)

Then, yesterday we told her we were going to drop daddy off at the airport so he can go to work in St. Louis (not an unusual occurrence) and then he would drive back to Florida with grandma. Lola's response, "Your bringing Papa too right." Jeff explained that Papa had to stay to watch their dogs and work. Who forgot to check with Lola on this situation? Her response, "Oh, well call Aunt Anna, she can watch their dogs and then you can bring Papa too." She has a solution for everything.

And last story for the day as she is waking up from a nap and I won't have much time left to myself. She asked if I would play "house" with her yesterday and I was dubbed the "grandma". She had all of these stuffed animals (some of which she explained to me were pets and others were people..LOL). I don't know who the mom was, but she kept talking to the mom. "Mom can you watch Mia", "Mom can we go to the store", etc. all while she was looking at me. So, as not to ignore her, I would respond. And she would quickly correct me saying, "Mom your the grandma, not the mom" "Mom, I'm not talking to you", etc. What kind of game was this (how can I confuse my real mom). I failed miserably...finally she told me I didn't need to play anymore. I literally laughed out loud at the fact that I screwed up miserably while playing "house".

No need to clean up

WARNING: This may offend religious people, NO I did not say Christians! If you do not understand my warning, then you may want to continue reading, as it might give you some insight....LOL! This is my second attempt at writing this post.....hopefully it comes across as intended, loving and in no way at all condemning or harsh. (Also, these types of posts will not be often, it was just on my heart. My intent is for this blog to be light hearted and about our family)

God keeps placing the same message in my path the past few months....and I know it is because He wants to make sure I never forget and that I share it with others. So, here goes my attempt at sharing.  I have gone to church my entire life, so 30 years (don't like the sound of that number). This is not to say that I am perfect or even come close to following the "straight and narrow" path. On the contrary, I have had my share of mistakes, failures and "put on your big girl panties and move on" moments. After getting divorced (yes I was divorced at 19), losing all of my friends (they went to my church, gasp, I know can you believe it..lol), being shunned by "Christians" and "Churches"(again religious, not Christ-like), searching in all of the wrong places to fill that emptiness, then marrying my wonderful husband, having a beautiful daughter and at last attending a church (Faith Church St. Louis) that a friend recommended (that I was REALLY nervous to try due to stupid "Christian" rumors, gasp again), I have come to realize God showed me through those experiences that He loves me. Yes, he loves ME - with all of my past failures, sin, guilt, shame, pain, loneliness, anger, everything! It was an epiphany for me, especially after being in church most of my life and then after one year of marriage, getting DIVORCED! 


It is interesting to me how "Christians" who have always been in church (which by the way, attending church doesn't make you a Christian), can categorize sin and have this false idea that the world's sin is different than their sin (don't worry, I know because I have been there, ha). Therefore if you have committed "those kind of sins" then you can't possibly be a Christian, nor serve in the church, in fact just you being at the church might cause a problem....HUH, WHAT, REALLY??!! Well, I started attending a church that didn't forget to read the Bible (our guide) and was I ever thankful that somebody was listening to God for the message, following our ultimate example Jesus Christ and pleading that, "You do NOT need to clean up to come to church, just come and let GOD take care of the rest."

Thank you Pastor David and Nicole Crank for being the most real Christians I have witnessed from a stage. Once again I could attend church, as a Christian and not feel ashamed, judged, unforgiven and empty. I had already asked God for forgiveness, BUT geez some "Christians and churches" go by a different playbook - getting them to truly forgive is like nails on a chalkboard. And for Pete's sake, where did all my "Christian" friends go when I was struggling. Jesus didn't leave people when they were hurting and confused, no instead he went to those people and drew them in.

I attended a Beth Moore simulcast this past weekend and she spoke on a woman who attended church but was addicted to pornography for fourteen years, but is now set free. (I know the religious people will be nervous that I typed the "P" word on my blog...LOL). Remember we are all sinners saved by grace and praise God that HE delivered her, she didn't and couldn't do it on her own. Then I sat with a friend this afternoon who shared a story about someone being ashamed of their past (my friend shared her story,which isn't "picture perfect" either, back with that person) and I know without a shadow of a doubt that God used their "junk" to show His love for them and His grace. My homework in my Women's Bible study is titled "Breaking Free from the Past" and how Jesus Christ came to set you free ( Oh, wait a minute the "church" won't set you free?) NO, He came to set us free from the power and consequences of sin. God has made everything new, not the "church", not you, not your pastor, nope - GOD!!! 

So, in the past few weeks God has brought about this same message in many different ways. As well as opening my heart to the fact that He is giving me an overwhelming desire to share and live out this truth, in my life, at my church and with those around me. The simple truth that Jesus loves us (all of us, including the homeless man on the corner, the man who sits awaiting trial for murder, a pastor, business owners, republicans and democrats, uneducated, wealthy - EVERYONE - regardless of skin color, economic level, age, gender, happy, hurting, married, divorced), He loves us all and He wants to take care of us, He wants us to share this love with others and not condemn them or preach at them, but to share God's love and forgiveness. Let's get this straight, Christians have no power to forgive sins or give life, God is the only one who makes all things new, forgives our sins and gives life eternal. People are hard enough on themselves, they don't need Christians or the church to make them feel any worse. Our responsibility is to tell them they do not need to be ashamed, afraid or distraught because we have a place for them to find rest, forgiveness, peace and hope.

Just in case you scrolled to the bottom and didn't read (I know some will): Jesus loves us as we are, He wants you to know that you can come as you are and He will take care of cleaning you up. You DO NOT have to clean up to come to church, come and He will take care of the clean up. Jesus loves you!!!

Oh and if you are looking for a church in Florida where you will find REAL LOVE. REAL PEOPLE. REAL LIFE. Then come check out DC3 (new website coming soon).

As I am finishing this post, my email dings and this is the daily devotional in my inbox.
Churches should be No-Shame Zones Couldn't have said it better!!!